Bring Me Back My Smiles And Laughter..

Knowing That I Should Go..

2009-07-22T23:41:00.002+08:00

Money, an sensitive issue among evrytyng in this blurdy expensive world ...

Need it in everytyng, even to have a relationship, wats more public toilet!

Dan mengenai isu itu lah yang aku dituduh melakukan...

Tertekan?.. yes of cos.. lagi2 bila bakal laki aku sendiri tk caye yg AKU TK BUAT!

Aper lagi yg boleh dikatakan kan..tk gitu..??

Al maklumlah, kita nie background family pun tak sempurna.. Keluarga kita bukan org baik2...

Insan yg hina lagi di pandang serong... Menangis? Yes i did..

Im disappointed, upset , LOSt, HURT!!

Aku tk dapat nk berbuat apa2... Cus aku tk berdaya... No prove to point finger..

And i dunt wanna say anytyng, cus pipol will always wunt side me..

KAU ORG LUAR FIQAH,JANGAN LAH LETAK HARAPAN ...

MEMANG TUHAN TU BERKUASA,MAHA ADIL TAPI KAU KENE INGAT, DOSA APA YG KAU LAKUKAN DAN INI MUNGKIN PEMBALASAN, ATAU MUNGKIN JUGAK SATU DUGAAN YG HARUS KAU HADAPI NUR'AFIQAH.

Aku dah tak tau aper lagi aku nk buat, aku pasti ada pihak yg tk boleh terime bahawa darah dagingnyer yg menjadi suspect aku dlm hal ini, but sorry , i have my reasons why i suspected her and much2 more relevant than ur reason for suspecting me.. And the funny part it, u suspected me when i dunt even have a stick of cigg to smoke, not even a dollar with me now..

Its only like 15cents that i have in my bag...

Satu jer harapan aku,Moga TUHAN tunjukkan la petunjuk, tunjuk kan bahawa aku tk bersalah dalam hal ini, bahawa aku tk mencuri duit yg hilang 2 kali tu..

Walaupun aku ni anak yatim yg mak bapak tak ajar, aku nie jahat,

but sorry , not stealing wise and not including other pipol in my badness.. I did almost evrytyng to myself.. Not even encouraging the others to come along..

And for you sayang,

See, when i get the strenght to leave,

You always tell me that you need me.

And im weak cause i believe you..

And im mad because i love you..

So I stop and think that maybe

You can learn to appreciate me

Then it all remains the same that

You aint never gonna change..

See my days are cold without you

But im hurting while im with you

And though my heart cant take it no more

I keep on running back to you

Baby why you hurt me , leave me and desert me

Boy i gave you all my heart and all you do is tear it up

Looking out my window,knowing that i should go

Even when i packs my bag, this something always hold me back..

Wild2 Wet..

2009-07-22T00:24:00.002+08:00

Went for an interview at singapore warehouse .. Applied at Giordano..The HQ is there..
She said she will call me for the 2nd interview ..
Haha,will wait.. Hopefully,berkat nk dkt besdae nie kan, dapat lah kerja tu
Aku kerja pun dgn niat baik... Haha..mcm paham...
Now waiting for hubby to alek work...Ubby cepat sket alek i nak rokok!! haha
Tinggal 2 hari jer nie!!!

Birthday Coming..

2009-07-20T03:58:00.002+08:00

Well, dAt bloody day is coming again..after one year...Hahaha!!
Damn,yes upset much like last year... Again,not with Family...
Listenig to dis song reminds me of my past, my RELATIVES and of cos, My father..
U DAMN BLURDY HURT ME PA..And even ur future son in law wanna be cant understand dat...
He dunt even bother to talk to me bout the pain that u have caused Pa.. Im facing tyngs alone...
Not lyk those words that MJ said, "You are not Alone"
IM ALL ALONE,DAMN IT.. Anyway, hubby coming home daedy..Nampak aku nga online nti dier memekak,..Hahahahaha. astala vista Babeeeiiiyy...

Check out the song Bukan Niat Membalas Derita - Slam
It kinda defines how i feel...

Lie,Lie,Lie

2009-07-10T01:42:00.002+08:00

Muahaha, Lie huh.. Best per..
Makcik Kao lawa ehk... Waliowei...
Tkmu nie mcm uhk brader..Nk tipu pun agak2 uhk...
Gua esai ,gua kasi muke tu hari, Lu prek sama gua ka?...
Ini maciam Tailong pon mengamuk woo...
Nyonya jual sayur pun bole tukar jadi hulk..
Gua bkn campor ini mcm punya org sehari dua.. (3-4 hari insya-ALLAH ader..)
Hahas.. Still laughing bler da nie mcm... Baek kan aku..
Penyabar.. (ehem2...)
Siol ler..tk logic sey.. Beh ku msn, tau kanchong..
RASAIN LU APER YG GUE RASAIN...
Muahahaha..!!
(Senangnya dlm hati kalau berlaki dua...tiga...empat setgh..)
Hahahahahahahaha.....

Hais...

2009-07-09T22:23:00.002+08:00

The day was not so good, shit happens in dis place, Ubby's place..
Well, im not comfortable to publicize it hell down here..Too personal...
Hais... The thing that make me kinda touch now and sad is bout Eu Hubby...
Going for a class that ur job required eu to go was kinda fine for me eventho it has to be early in the morn...But the damn thing was eu nid to go back to work after dat damn class dat finishes at around 5pm... And I guess much that u will have to stay to do ur inventory which will roughly ends at aorund 3aM.. Sayang , ur body cant take it, thats too much...
I cant bear to see eu continue to work after that class... Waliowei...
Kalau sport car asyik kene tekan tu mcm jer pun. meletop sey...
Walaupun keluarga kita tak kaye , tak semestinya eu have to force urself like a terminator...
I cant bear to see it Yang...Cant bear to..

Masa gitu aja kamu ko bokolokokok

2009-07-08T01:37:00.003+08:00

Damn...

Psal Gulung pun bleh jadi satu hal..tk relevant,,Lau nk cari alasan utk binget nk revenge sal tdi pagi aku bising pon tkyah nie mcm per... baru igt nk record tk gaduh, dah gaduh agik..sial uh...

Pukaywak...

Da mcm cat and dog uh.. dah uh ehk... tkyah nk cekik duit dier agi uh, soon finding werk ..

Itu part jgn kata gulung, kapas pun bleh beli sendiri uhk!

Nk isap rokok pun susah, mcm mintak dadah pulak...Stress per...

Terbantot siak tdi niat nk g merokok... Mcm nk buang jer...

BABIIEE.. Binget lah sial..... buto ler...

TAK PERNAH ADER YG HALANG AKU NYER MEROKOK SMP GINI!!!!!

NENEK AKU SENDIRI TK LEY HALANG, APATAH TAHA BEH DIER PULAK!!!

AAARGGHHHH!!!

Tk bley trime nie lau psal rokok...tk buleh,tk buleh... ini rokok mahhh....

Bloody AsshOLe..

2009-07-07T07:30:00.002+08:00

U were home at last.. 7am plus at tym... damnit...

Cant help it,rase hepi tu ader, cume ego jer, step marah...

Step tanak layan rabak..but his softness do melts me tho..wtf...

Aku binget sendiri at last..aku nk marah pon tk smp hati sal dier kejap lagi gi kerje..

nk gaduh pun kesian sial....

PUKKIIIWAKKK!!

AKU KESIANKAN KAU PEY PASAL LAH SUNDAL AKU TAK MAKI KAU !!

IKOTKAN HATI JGN HARAP AKU NK BERBUAL PUN!!!

but, wad de hell.. dun wry.. attitude mesti mau rabak jer nari.....

Pandai2 kau layan uh kaes!!

Anyway, if apit were reading dis, pls be inform dat aku rindukan kau lah setan....

Kau lah counsellor terbaik!! hehehes..

AKU BETUL PEY MARAH NIE!!!

2009-07-07T01:45:00.007+08:00

Damn it tau kau..kau tk balik niari padahal aku pat umah kau..otak kau kat maner nie Raff?? Mati per sial kau pey otak... Aku tnga sakit pun mati2 nk buat perangai per sial..Pasal kau, nari satu hari aku tk mkn... kau mmg suke tgk aku mcm sial kan... Pastu salah aku org npk,slah kau, org lagsung tk nmpk sal yg sakit hati aku!!!Puki uh,... otak kau letak maner sial?!!aku keluar pon bukannye kau tunggu aku pat umah aku yg aku nk kene balik cepat,sudah teerang kau pat umah kau..Nie skrg aku pt umah kau, tunggu kau balik dgn nie sakit mcm sial....At last dgn sardin nyer kau bilang adik kau srh bilang ibuk yg kau tk balik..

Kau besAR pey Besar... (aku nk mencarut jer!)

Kau pey mcm sial ku seriously tkley angkat... Aku da stress,sakit kau plak tambah...mcm sialan kan kau...Aper kau pey maksud nie...sundal sial perangai....

Aku sakit, keje rumah , tlg masak, sume aku buat sal nk amek hati ibuk kau , kau tau tk.. kau tkde kpale otak uhk Raff seriously...

Buto lah.. rasenye nie first entry yg aku mencarut giler babi kau tau tak...

Kau lah jantan yg byk naikkan darah aku tahun nie...!!

sUKER per Siak Ku MaMpos Cepat?!!!!!!

Sadness Feat. Anger

2009-07-04T01:09:00.002+08:00

Had enuf from moi fam much, Ader jantan pon sama gak, bukan buat aku happy

Tapi menyakitkan hati lagi rabak... Aku tk bleh terime sial org buat aku nie mcm, ckop uhk

sume kesedihan aku lalui, dugaan yg Tuhan kasi...

Jgnlah tambah sial!! << (Reminder To ALL!!)

He was like damnit buat aku nie mcm part tym caregiver jer... Please uhk eh..

I Dunt farking parker deserve dis kind of tingy...

Aku susah payah seii mcm org giler trying still utk amek hati keluarga dier...

Eventho he has yet to meet mine..Dier sendiri tau mcm mane susah aku nk amek hati ibuk dier...Dier pun sendiri mau igt yg ibuk dier very hard to get...

At last nie mcm pey perangai aku dapat...

AAAPEERRR NIE??!! Haiyaaa!! INI OLANG MANYIAK CILAKA!

Faark damnit... jangan sampai aku buat perangai uhk...

Yes patience is bigger than the ocean but do remember, even titanic do sank in the ocean..

UUrgghh...

2009-06-23T20:22:00.000+08:00

2009-06-23T13:49:00.000+08:00

Make a Smilebox slideshow

2009-06-23T12:43:00.002+08:00

My pic tym2 kendarat and me with apit nyeaakkk... have a look tho....

Life gets more and more challenging tho

2009-06-22T22:22:00.003+08:00

Well, did talk to my guy regarding the future tingy... Hmms, ibuk nak kite kumpul duit

and get married.. muahahaha....As if its as easy as it were said..

The stress tyng was maner nk gi carik duit.. i nid to get a job asap...

Money,Money,Money!!...

Hais.. Mak pun tk cntct aku, yes, i might look as happy as ever but hell yeah,

aku upset jugak sal drg tk kisah..guess this is the reason why she wants me to get married damn fast..

Cus she just dunt bother to care of me nimore..

Marriage?..

if it happens to be wuth Raff, wouldnt it be the same...

He's always busy and dunt reali show me dat e care and secured...

Nak manje pun susah , lagi2 skrg da almost hari2 npk muke aku pat umah..

Hais.. wat the hell men.. Otak mau pecah jerk..

Yes damnit, next month dah besdae

And mcm tahun lepas, biler nk birthday je, mcm2 masalah timbul...

Cubaan nk meningkat umor?.. ni bkn cubaan nie dah tahap2 nk matikan aku...

Hmms.. he came back frm work early tonite, at arnd 9plus..

suprised much...We had dinner at home together just now...

aNd now,he's asleep...

Eh, i forgot to update.. i met apit LS yesterday...

He happen to att to my kendarat fren..

Best kan dapat jumpe dier, da lama giler tk jumpe bdk2 LS...

I will upload the pic dat we took on dat day during and after

kendarat wen i found dat blurdy usb cable...

Hmms, k lah, cant story much tho....

Too much2 if wanna update bout every sgl tyng....

Chows... NnnnyyyyEEEEaaaaKkkkKK!!!

Starting New Much?..

2009-06-20T12:25:00.002+08:00

Hmms.. Well da kinda long dat i update my blog huh...

Miss much?.. hahas.. Hmms, started a new 'life' with a guy by the name of Muhd Raffly..

Dhil? He left me damnit, yeszaa... Hard to go thru without hym damnit...

Mcm org giler nanges hari2, mkn tk tentu, kerja tk tentu,i just change..

Lost like an asshole whose husband just left her for a butch..

Hahahahaha.. hMMs.. So gave myself a chance to be loved again , Started a new with Raffly..

Met his Fam and still trying to get closer, but he hasnt meet mine..

Tak ker mcm mangkok hayun, aku sbg pompuan , aku yg jumpe mak dier dulu..

Dunia terbalik much?...

Hehs, sumtyms not everytyng dat we have to wait till the guy made the first move.. Hmms...

Family still has no changes, mcm biase gak.. K lah, cant type much ..

I Wish i could but mak mertua da tunggu pat amk central siot...

(Mcm real jek mak mertut...siow char bo...)

Life Still Going On Much..?

2009-04-26T16:25:00.002+08:00

Life still going on, alive.. Alhamdulilah..
Problems as much as per normal, (Mcm biasa lorh!)
Now, still finding a place, where to stay for the next one month..
Kakak coming from KL, and obviously i cant be at My aunt's place..
Not as if aku takleh sabar bila kakak cari pasal but i just cant accept when my late mum's nameis included..Tak ada org yg bisa terima kan...??
Urgh.. Tak pernah aku selesa dgn hidup merempat sana sini..
Blame it on my Father much?... Of cos damn much i blame it on him, my father...
He's partly to blame... Well, luckily God has fate me to meet some one like Fadhil,
who has been helping me all along, no matter how much i test his patience..
Hmms, Thats why i love him tho...
Hais, have to end this here, typing much wont be helping me to find a place to stay isnt it...
How i wish i could stay alive like how a normal 17years old teenage girl could be..
With Mum and Dad, Siblings, Cousins... Hais... I dont have a perfect one but i know, I wouldnt want
MY VERY OWN FAMiLY, that made up of Me, Husband and Wonderful Kids..
If god permits (Insya-ALLAH),Amin...

Nyeak remembered..

2009-03-26T13:09:00.002+08:00

Having so much prob in life, but here i am,still alive tho..
Masalah bertimbun sampai ke satu saat tu, aku tgl pat sembawang beach for 9days..
Believe dat?.. Makin gelap ler akibatnyer..Hais..
As days passed by , it has been quite long tym since i meet Mira and Lakeside guys..
( u guys are never forgotten...Kan nyeak?...)
Hmms..., kinda got the feeling that will not get to live my years fully dis year.. Get wat i mean?..
Feel kinda low, starting to revise back on my prayers, that i 've left so much...
Missing all those all old2 Exs...old2 frens and peeps.. not forgetting those happy moments with Fam,That i rarely get to feel...
I dunt knw why.. Leaving all much?

If i were to go before those important pipol in my life, i would definitely upset for not
getting to spend more tyms with eu guys,being there wen u guys nid sum1...
Would definitely regret for not taking the chance to live my life properly,
being loyal to my religion, doing good deeds, prayers that i had left...
But definitely too, there are sum1 who's happy for im gone, like what that sum1 hoping for,...

Semestinya aku akan merasa sebak utk tinggalkan org2 yang aku syg dlm hidup aku...
Dan aku harap kalau aku pergi, org tk lagi mengaibkan nama aku, menyebut2 kesalahan aku
pabila di dunia ini.. Kasihani lah aku..
Sekiranya ada salah silap,maafkan lah aku..
Tolong lah beritahu keluarga aku yang aku sayang sangat pat dorang walaupun aku tk pernah tunjuk...

Hais.. Hope it doesnt end dat fast...

Nyeak nyeak?

2009-02-23T17:31:00.003+08:00

Yesterday was an awfull day of the mth ever (i guess..)
On that saturday night i just couldnt sleep all nite thanks to an idiot who pissed me off like one fucking hell..She also the caused that ku ngn mak tk hepi ngn each other on that particular night,
and also the caused that sumone tak hepi ngan aku pasal aku buat cerita sal tu org (padahal tu musibat yg buat crite, nama aku yg sedap dijadikan mangsa!!)
Nyeaaarrkkk!!
Then sunday i was working crazily with Mira At kendarat , went home ,
hOping much to get a nap or a nice sleep..
Hancur harapan siak npk tu musibat pat rumah and kakak buat perangai...
Hais, withut even have my meal at home, i left for lakeside..
I dun wish to stay for im just hurt to death..
And i only get my sleep dis morning at around 7am ..
Rabak per.. nie lah sebab aku tk suka stress.
cant say much,
Hais. Dats all i can explain.. GOtta go...

Confused?

2009-02-20T13:35:00.002+08:00

Hmms.. didnt get to update yesterday..
What the hell, reached "home'' and i fell asleep while in a middle of conversation with Mira who is updating her blog..
(Dier update blog lama siols, aku da ngantok giler so tido dulu..Hee..=D)
Smlm lepak , like biase but not with Ls peeps larh.. (Tkde sen nk g sana)
This coming sunday ader outing ngan dorang pun aku tkleh gi..
I will be working for kendarat on that day..finish at 6pm..
Klau lpas keje aku dtg pun tkde makna, tk sempat...
*Sorry so much2 to Fad ,Lan and Mai..*

Feeling bit sick today..Mcm nk asthma pun ader..
Started with coughing.. (Benci siak batok nie mcm, sakit sia dada..!!)
Well hope doesnt end up with getting myself hospitalised AGAIN..
Hate this man! Well .. Mak will always say this .. ;Tu lah kau, dah tau semput ,
isap rokok lagi...Isap lah rokok lagi ..
Sampai mampos skali...

Hahaha isnt it? Memang padan muke aku...Mak ngan nenek mmg suka sumpah aku
kalau aku da sakit..They will blame the cigg...
Kesian rokok yg tk bersalah tu.. kene maki..

Hmms, my body feeling the pain now..aching like hell..
evrytyng also pain!! *cough.cough*
Mcm nk tido balik pon ader...
Mira maseh membute, bored sia aku...
Ntah kul brape je dier tido tadi...
Haiya... k then update more in next entry..
Hey peeps, pray hard for me yar.. so i get to meet that sumone again soon!!!
Muahahaha..

Just dont meant to be?..

2009-02-18T05:21:00.005+08:00

Well, cant sleep still.. And today, my instinct was right again..
Just dunt feel ryte.. And somehow. i found out..
My presence are not welcomed and there are one's who is uncomfortable with it..
Even tho sum1 are trying to cover tyng up, but sorry..
I found out..i dont meant to.. but i did...
Hais.. going home i a while, even tho still wonders who are going to open up the door for me at this hour early in the morn..
(Da ckop baik lah kalau mak atau bapak dah bangun)
Hais.. Why does this happens when we are getting closer...
Hmms, maybe every frenship dat i had are suppose to be this way?..
This explains why i feel different when kite rapat giler..
As in when she sits close to me then sandar at me *Like a sibling*
Hmms, i dunnoe wats left to say..
whatever it is, i hope she will understand if i were to keep a distance..
Mcm biase gak, cara aku, kalau ader pihak yg tk suke, aku rela jauhkan diri perlahan - lahan..
Cus aku sedar diri aku siape.. Hais..

However, still smiling.. (Eventho might be fake)

Well

2009-02-12T01:08:00.003+08:00

Lepak pat LS tadi.mcm biase but today something seems wrong..
Well,received a call and the topic of family comes out again..shit part..
Then aku blah jap cus i nid to emo2 alone..
(Tergugat jgak aku bile anjing passby sblah..Serta merta igt ayat mum mum mum mum tu...)
Hahahahahaa!!
Well, fam nyer hal mcm biase gak..
Mak (my dearest aunt) dari dulu smp skrg tk ubah..
She's hurt when my nenek do it to her but why the hell dat she do dis to me?..
Mak ngn anak sama jer.. Nenek buat aku ngn dier gini, then dier pun buat aku gini..
So im facing double the pain.. Gasak korang lah..
We shall see what will just happen..
Im sick of trying lah sey..Wat the fucking hell is trying for when effort were just not to be seen?..
GEREK per.. Hmms..
My heart is hurted enough by pipol lah..
Who else if its weren't peeps and family.. What the hell is all this for mann....

Anyway, some one commented that the way i speak mcm minah and its seems offensive..
Lagi skali, what the hell..
Nature mmg gini, i dnt give a damn on what pipol wanna damn on what pipol wanna say..
The only tyng i wil do wen pipol say so is just to drift away or keep a distance..
Buat apa nk tunjuk muke kalau org tk suke kan..
Thats wat i do to fam also..
So to dat sum1 who tk berkenan , well, i know wat im suppose to do la..
Either mit up with u peeps but keep my mouth shut , or just keep a distance..
Well, i really guess i nid to...

Hmms, nie besok alek umah confirm kene kawpei,
Lagi skali telinga aku panas membara mcm volcano nk meletop..
(Unless bsok aku alek bwk duit ribu2.ahaks.. Mana siol nk dapat duit utk org tua tu tutop mulut.She will only shut up wen comes to money..)
Manusia, biase gak..
Regarding guys, im kinda tired to think...
Masalah da byk, nk pikirkan lagi, matilah aku..
Hmmss, k la, sblum aku mati stress depan nie com, i nid a rest tho..
Hahahhaassss!!
Chows.. Nitey Nite...

At last?

2009-02-11T18:05:00.000+08:00

*11FEB 09 .. 01.30AM..*
eh pendek..
gd nite..
haha!
-fad

Biadap sungguh huh?.. hehs.. =P Menyampah aku..mentang2 lah aku nie pendek..
Dier jadi kan tu satu lawak utk start a msg ngn aku.. binawe..Kalau aku tk tahu siapa pengirim nyer, memang sudah sah lah bahawasanyer si pengirim nk kene pakai eye mo lepas baca aku nyer reply..
Cus its a cnfirm dat kene maki..Hehs..
Boleh jadi gaduh siols org tk kenal pgl aku pendek..
Nie semua Frost (Mr Joy) punya keje lah nie.. ('',)
*Thanks to him Mira dapat kiss free dair aku tadi pagi*
Itu pun frost bilang Fad..Malu aku.. Cair per?? hahahahas.. Going LS later..excited ader , malu ader, lapar pun ader,... Hehehs..

Anyway, no valentine fer me dis year (lyk de years before) cus on dis valentine plak, aku keje.. Nadiah, bdk kendarat TS, offer aku slot but not with TS ler..
(dah tenterang dgn TS aku regular...)
Its lead by a guy by the name of Abdillah..
I took the slot cus i've gt no plans anyway.. So why not i work and have the money..
Smlm bual ngan tu Abdillah, aku niat nk ual sal keje, He seems flirting plak..
Crazy hunn huh?.. Very the tak professional.. BuLL shit..
K lah , cant ryte much cus im going to siap2 nk gi LS.. mCm tk sabar aku..hahahs.. YAAAAAAYYYYYYY!!!

He read..

2009-02-10T01:16:00.003+08:00

Nice evening.... hahaks! Obviously tadi gi Lakeside..
Lepak, mcm biase jgak ler.. Fun peeps shudnt be left one day without...
Heheks.. Gerek mmg gerek uhk but yg tk gerek, Si Frost *Oink nyer suar,
Dier kacau aku ngn Fad.. NYeakkk tul..
He just wont stop teasing uhk.. ('',)
(Just because nw got green lyte to hug Mira ordy! ) - Blueks -

The worst part , F*d read my blog entry.. Then he kinda makE fun of it..
Aku tau yg dier baca pon sal ada org ilang..
(Tepuk dahi siols nie part!)
Frost pon ktawe kan..siols,siols...
Malu beb.. Rasa mcm nk migrate gi US seminggu then aru patah alek..
(US? Nk gi Upper Serangoon pun tambang tkde!)
Malu tk terkata hahaks!
Dah tak tau mcm maner lah nk gi mengadap frost dgn F*d bler next lepak..
Si Frost ngn Mira bsok kluar berduaan..
Teman Mira interview and also go date lor..

Kae2.. guess gotta go.. Makin byk aku tulis, makin byk lah nti budak2 tu
Ktawe kan aku lagi =P
(Itu pun kalau drg baca lagik!)

Fun Fun Fun :)

2009-02-09T01:25:00.005+08:00

Woots.. Fun sia...
Go haji lane with my dearest frens isap sisha...
Damn gerek.. Well, like wat *Oink* says, its not about the place but about the company actually..
I fully agree with dat cus dgn drg, kalau stakat gi kedai jer pon da cukop best giler...
hahaks!
(cheekish!)
Mira and Frost getting closer tho...Gerek per...
Aku tak tahu aper yg gerek sgt tapi aku enjoy giler..
Aku tak tahu aper yg buat aku jadi gini tapi aku rindu drg siiaaalsss!Hee =P
Hey you noe wat , Came across a gurl who's fu*king anti - social..
Mcm nk suruh dia pakai Mask jek!Muke mcm sials.. Hahaks!
Si F*d plak , damn2 sweet..
Haha! Cair per! hahaks!
K2..aku da start merepek.better stop..
want to go baring2 termenung...cant wait fer lepaking later
chows..

Memories..

2009-02-04T19:52:00.002+08:00

Cant stop tynking of dat dream...
He came into dat dream of mine and just made me cry...
i ran towards him and told him dat i still love him tho...
and he said dat he loved me too...
shit... why dat dream came again...
Sedangkan aku ngn Adhil's dating now...
Pls...dun come back....
Life sucks till now..
More sickness coming ...
more treatment coming..argh..
Mati aku...
Blueks...

Hush Hush..

2008-11-13T13:32:00.002+08:00

Oooohh Yeah Oh Oh Oh I never needed you to be strong, I never needed you for pointing out my wrongs, I never needed pain, I never needed strain, My love for you was strong enough you should have known, I never needed you for judgements, I never needed you to question what I spend, I never asked for help, I take care of myself, I don't know why you think you've got a hold on me And it's a little late for conversations, There isn't anything for you to say, And my eyes hurt, hands shiver, So look at me, and listen to me.. (Because) I don't want to stay another minute, I don't want you to say a single word, (Hush, hush, hush, hush) There is no other way, I get the final say, Because.. I don't want to do this any longer, I don't want you, there's nothing left to say, (Hush, hush, hush, hush) I've already spoken, our love is broken, Baby, hush, hush. I never needed your corrections, On everything, from how I act, to what I say, I never needed words, I never needed hurts, I never needed you to be there every day, I'm sorry for the way I let go, Or everything I won't need when you came along, But I am never beaten, broken, not defeated, I know that next to you is not where I belong, And it's a little late for explanations, There isn't anything that you can do, And my eyes hurt, hands shiver, So you will listen when I say.. I don't want to stay another minute, I don't want you to say a single word, (Hush, hush, hush, hush) There is no other way, I get the final say, Because.. I don't want to do this any longer, I don't want you, there's nothing left to say, (Hush, hush, hush, hush) I've already spoken, our love is broken, Baby, hush, hush. No more words, no more lies, no more cryin', Hmm Hmmmm No more pain, no more hurt, no more tryin', Ohh Ohh Yeahhhhh! (Because) I don't want to stay another minute, I don't want you to say a single word, (Hush, hush, hush, hush) There is no other way, I get the final say, Because.. I don't want to do this any longer, I don't want you, there's nothing left to say, (Hush, hush, hush, hush) I've already spoken, our love is broken, Baby, hush, hush. Yeahhhh Ohhh Ohhh Ohhh (Hush, hush, hush, hush) I've already spoken, our love is broken, Baby..

Some times, Only GOD Knw How It Feels..

2008-11-13T13:14:00.004+08:00

These silence is killing me inside..

For its just so hard to say it out when pipol seems dunt care..

Sumtimes i try to shout but no one hears me..

Seriously batin aku tersiksa..Aku diamkan tapi shits yg berlaku membunuh aku...

Aku tk phm apsal org dengki sgt dgn ketenangan aku...

Dan yg mengecewakan, keluarga sendiri mcm cilanat...

Org igt aku yg jahat...Padahal aku yg jahat nie yg merana org tk tau..

Kdg2 aku smp salahkan mama and papa..Kalau tk berpunca nye dari dorang,aku tk gini..

Apsal korang tinggalkan aku sorang?!!

Aku teringin rasa nikmatnye keluarga hidup ada mak bapak yg sebenar2 nye mak bapak...

Tapi aku tahu,tu sume mustahil... Tak akan terjadi semua tu...

Mungkin aku mmg ditakdirkan utk hidup menumpang dgn kegembiraan keluarga org...

Asal sey..

Kalau tk ada Fadhil, True frens.. siapa lagi yg boleh encourage aku utk hidup...

Yg beri sinaran pd kegelapan aku...

Members?..

Hmmh..Memang selalu nyer aku sedaya upaya cuba menolong bila dorang susah..

walaupun mungkin aku tk mampu utk tlg smp kasi duit beribu..

Tapi mana diaorang bila aku jatuh kegelapan...

Semua hilang...

Kenapa lah smp gini skali cubaan yg aku dapat...

Dosa Balasnya Dosa..??

2008-11-11T19:46:00.003+08:00

Shit happens again... she just wont leave me the hell alone...

As years past TAPI MULOT DIER TK MATI2!

Makcik aku,Azizah, tk abes2 jugak ngn mulot dier mcm cilake...

Now nak so called api kan ibu plak utk benci aku mcm cik Melati dulu...

Rabak per...

The story starts wen ari tu dier visit aku pat hospital..

Dier yg start cari pasal dulu menyumpah aku yg tnga sakit,mcm aku hepi gitu masuk hospital..

Malukan aku depan kwn kak zila plak tu..

Rab dgn adek angkat dier,Yan jadi bukti sak dier yg malukan aku dulu..

Aku admit uh aku ader cakap pat dier, " beh mulot cik zah tu biler nk mati?!"

Dat was after she provoke me per...Salah aku ker..

Dier bikin klakar per aku tnga sakit dier bbual mcm mak dier peh...

Hais..tk abes2 uh..Buat bdh sua same dier..

Layan org gitu tkkan abes crite..

Gasak dier luh,dier lupe aagaknye dier tu ader anak..

Buruk kan nama aku,nti anak dier yg kene pulau,aru tahu...

Dosa balas nya dosa ka per....

hmmh...

Life's Like Shit...

2008-11-02T22:30:00.005+08:00

Damn..Shit happens siak...

What the hell uh kan...Lost of words uh..Nothing left to say but to accept the shit dat happens anyway...

First tyng dat makes me feelin lil bit low is because of Adhil...

Sunyi sey dier da masok camp..

Lagi2 dis few days dier kene gi field camp so tkleh cntct..

Tu tk psal sgt lah sal nk kene biase kan jugak hidup berjauhan..

Masing2 ader hidup utk uruskan..

Tapi sunyi lah sal dier yg slalu uat aku senyum dan beri perangsang selain kak lily fam..

Tadi tngahari jumpe dier pon dier ader nasihat..

Its around 2.29pm, at playground depan rumah kakak..

Dier suruh igt kata2 dier, no matter wat shit happen i;ve gone thru,

i have to change the way ,the cycle of my life..

I woudnt want my soon generation in a way of my kid wil go thru wat i've gone thru...

Im th eone responsible on to changing the way i live..

He really touch my life uh..

Kasi semangat utk teruskan hidup walaupon susah skrg..

(Smlm dier nyanyikan aku lagu Bidadari Hatiku - b8 ..time kte jln2 pat bugis..)

K..nw stop bout dat...

2nd prob, Duit bill hospital ader yg kene bayar cash..

Its arnd 85bucks..Mmg lah tk byk tapi dgn economy aku yg nga sesak gini, mane la nk g carik tu duit sedangkan duit mkn pon tkde...harapkan utk mkn pat umah..

Astagfirullah..Berat benar bulan nie..

Hikmah lah yg aku dapat kenal Adhil yg baik and hidup dgn fam kakak..

Ader jugak selit2 kegembiraan dan ketenangan..

3rdly yg masalah yg buat aku sot sgt,

Dis fucking bitch by the name of 'Witch'..

Damn of her,pgl aku keje, kononnye permulaan gaji sikit..

K la aku tk kisah sgt la..Rezeki mana ader dtg beribu2 kan

Aku nk keje pon cari rezeki yg halal je...

Dier da perah peluh aku mcm mak dier nyer peh,

at last dier kata ngn kak lily yg dier lom tau nk amek aku keje ngn dier ke tk...

Beh kirekan slame nie keje free per..

Training pat mac pon ader gaji dok!

dAMn uh kan..

He Is Different Thats Why I Love Him..

2008-11-02T00:31:00.002+08:00

wooots....

Feel damn happy today...

Just a wonderful saturday to spend..

Went out with him who seems special to me..

Fadhil... called by the name of Adhil..

Heehee...

He makes my day babe!!

Happy giler siak...

Its just unexplainable...

He is different dats y i love him....

Konpius,konpius...

2008-10-08T20:28:00.004+08:00

Things were not dat nice to go thru..

Life weren't dat easy to have me thru..

But nothing could stop me from breathing unless HE wants me to..

Rindukan my adeq, lala... few raya dat i didnt get the chance to see her...

WTF...hari tu nk jumpe, dier plak tkde pat umah marine parade dier...

Damn.. fed up aku d buatnyer...

But however..i just dunt noe y... I miss my mama...

Looking at her pic when i came to her sister place,

I just felt so lonely... Unexplainable lonely...

Lost of thousands word....

Life has been damn hard on me and i noe it must have been harder for her...

She is not the type dat could share her probs.. Hais..

She is gone now...Forever dat she wunt come bck...

She wunt be there even if i were to get married..

She wunt be there to choose her son in law...

And she wunt be there when i just need her...

Tapi yg paling rabak, lala lah...

Sal dier paling kecik and she lost mama when she was only pri 1...

Hais...

Anyway nowadays my kpale otak sakit rabak...

the pain come and goes...

Tapi selaLunyer dier attack one side jek..

Hais.. Aku harap aper yg terjadi pd kwn sekolah aku dulu,

Arwah Diyana, tk terjadi pd aku...

Dier pergi meninggalkan dunia hanya dgn punca saKIT KPALE...

Astaghfirullah....

My birthday...

2008-07-24T22:08:00.003+08:00

Lol.. You were not home..Dont dare to ask where are you for i know you're not in a good mood..
Eventho its quite hurting dat you're not home when family are celebrating it with me..
Hais..Damn...
Had a great talk with mama just now..And she made me feel stronger..
Anyway,My aunt who bastard me RABAK2 asked lin to msg me saying happy birthday..
Hah..MEANINGLESS lah sey.. (sdgkan kau dulu tak pernah puas hati ngn aku..Hepi per skrg..??)
Hmm...This family gave me a reason for me to continue move on...
Living thru with up and downs of life...
They gave me the meaning of family..
Care and concern...
Nice day i had...Eventho not dat Happening but i find it damn nice..
Got a birthday cake from Mak..A winnie the pooh (and a box of cigg) frm Kak Dayah
A winnie the pooh cup set(comes with a spoon) and dunnoe wat to cal dat Flower that wrote
"ur sooo sweet" from Kak hanim & Along...
Quite a lot huh..
Papa and mama BLOM KASI! haha...

From you, dont mention lah..
Seeing you smile again is the best present..But,No...
Not even a smile...
I wish for a kiss from you but i know dats too much to ask for so just a smile would b enuf..
Dreamt of u again this afternoon
As per usuall,dreamt dat we get together as close as before..
Lotsa tym ordy lah sey...
Got bored of it for i know its kinda impossible..
But boy, if you're doing this because you're upset with Mak or sumtyng,Pls dont..
Cus it hurt me lots..
I know you wouldn't want to hurt Mak's feeling but too don't lie to yourself...
In a meaning your lying to me also...
Confusing...
Hais..Just don't know what to say ordy lah sey...
Tired of trying ordy..
Like wat mama & papa said, Go with the flow...
Hmm....
But just hope that me , you , papa and mama could go out together one day to
celebrate my birthday....
Let it be a memory and sweetness of the year...
I love you boy...